My Blog

You Are Who Your Friends Are

Fri, 8 May 2009 19:36:19 -0400

It's important to acknowledge the power of positive thinking. This goes not only for yourself,
but also for the people you surround yourself with.

Attitudes are catchy. Whether they're positive or negative, they're rubbing off on you. If you're around people who complain, judge, spread negative gossip, blame others, and play victim roles, chances are you do, too. (ouch!)

Who are you around most? Are they achieving their dreams or complaining about their circumstances? Do they look up to others who are go-getters and high achievers, or do they make fun of them and roll their eyes? How do they treat you?

If you're spending time with people who don't support your dreams and goals, it's seriously time to look at whom you call your friends!

Successful people surround themselves with successful people. Plain and simple. They want to be around others who're achieving goals and making things happen. They want to know their secrets and strategies for winning. They're not embarrassed to be hanging out with people who are studying for success and making good money.

You, too, need to surround youself with positive influences. Join the clubs that other successful people are in, learn what they're learning. It doesn't matter from what walk of lifeyou are coming from. Show up and transform youself into an acheiver! Success isn't just for those who have had it easy, who came from supportive homes or had expensive educations. They're are so many successful people who rose up from very poor conditions and and overcame obstacles to acheive the goals they set their sights on.

But they didn't get there by hanging out with negative energy-drainers!

Have you been limiting your success by letting yourself be influenced by other people's negative energy? Make a list of all the people you spend time with and make a note of the kind of personality they have. How many negative people are you around every day? How many people on your list are achieving their dreams, supporting yours and taking responsibility for their lives? You're better off spending time alone than with people who hold themselves back with a victim mentality.

Simply stop spending time with the negative people on your list. Join the clubs that will put you in with a positive circle of friends. Set a new standard for yourself and don't become friends with people who fall below that standard. Invite your old friends to come with you and you'll know who has potential and who to stop being around entirely.

You have to take responsibility for this area of your life. Look around you at the people you call friends. Does it make you proud? Are you selling yourself short? Or are you on the right track?

Keep successful people around you and you will be successful! Be around people who can accomplish their goals and you will accomplish yours, too! The choice is yours to make.

© 2008 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Finding Leaders in the Darndest Places

Fri, 9 Jan 2009 12:53:40 -0500

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”
~ John Quincy Adams

Some of our greatest leaders were swindlers and thieves. Why aren't today's youth given the same chance?

As I sit to write this article I find myself being reminded of a young lady (though she would never call herself that) whom I know. She’s a classic anti-leader. In fact, her qualities are so strong that she could easily be the next Pierre Elliot Trudeau if she so desired.

It’s wonderful when you have a group of students come forward and volunteer for leadership roles in your school. It’s great to see them express their ‘type A’ personalities in such a positive way. However, they always tend to be from one or two social groups and don’t represent a good cross section of the school population.

There are leaders among every group of students. Think of it this way, someone has to make the decision of what to do Saturday night when everyone else is sitting on the fence saying “I dunno, I’ll do whatever man.” For various reasons, these students will not take on formalized leadership roles in their schools, perhaps they don’t feel they are good enough, they don’t know anyone else in ‘that circle’, or they just don’t see themselves as a leader.

These are the students who need to be cultivated because they have the unique ability to influence their peers. They see the school with its social and political hierarchy in a different way, and if you’re lucky they will tell you their views. These are the students who, when taught to communicate effectively and develop their leadership skills, can bring about massive change - if you let them. These are the anti-leaders. I use this term because their ideas usually are outside of the mainstream. They are ‘painted with a different brush’ and not typically considered leaders. But it is their ideas that have the seeds to radical change and they are the ones who will truly make a difference - not only in your school but in our world.

Let’s have some fun by comparing the qualities of a drug dealer and those of a gang leader with those of a student leader. Drug dealers and gang leaders may be an extreme example, but they are the most powerful leaders in your school. They are using and honing their leadership skills every single day, all day.

Job requirements for a gang leader:
• Inspiring and motivating speaker
• Strong personality
• Good people management skills
• Goal oriented
• Understands the needs of others
• Good decision making skills
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident

Job requirements for a drug dealer:
• Good at math
• Good organizational skills
• Knows the law
• Good at sales and up selling
• Responsible (meeting clients at set times)
• Excellent negotiation skills
• Understands the needs of others
• Good decision making skills (not on choice of career though)
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident

Qualities of a leader:
• Strong personality
• Motivating
• Good people management skills
• Goal oriented
• Listens to the needs of others
• Good decision making skills
• Good team builder
• Risk taker
• Effective communicator
• Confident

In the case of the young lady I spoke of earlier, she is neither a drug dealer nor a gang leader (though she does have quite the ‘following’ of friends). She is passionate, opinionated, well read and sees the world from a perspective outside of the mainstream. What truly sets her apart is that she is not afraid to speak her mind or to put herself on the line for her beliefs – characteristics which constantly get her into trouble.

Her problem, like all other anti-leaders, is her energy is misdirected because she has never had anyone to help her cultivate her talents and energy in a focused, positive direction. Instead she gets dismissed as ‘another troublemaker’.

So this leads to the question, ‘Why cultivate the qualities of these anti-leaders’?
To put it bluntly if the earth is to survive another hundred years we need a radical shift in thinking and people with the guts to champion the cause. People are getting tired of politicians who just tow the party line so as not to rock the boat to be sure they are re-elected. Though there are politicians out there who genuinely want to see change, they are not loud enough to be heard over the big machine.

The world needs civil leaders to champion causes that are forward thinking, much like the great civil rights leaders in the 1960’s. Roles like this can only be filled by a-typical leaders; ones who see the world from a different perspective and are not afraid to speak their minds or put themselves on the line to advance their cause and initiate change.

So my question to you is, ‘are you willing to put yourself on the line to cultivate these students and mentor them to use their qualities in a positive way’? If so, what do you think you can do to encourage them into the leadership programs you currently offer?

Stuart McConnell
2008

Bullies Need Love Too

Fri, 9 Jan 2009 11:58:04 -0500

“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”
~ Isaac Newton

If you truly want to help a victim of bullying you need to help the bully first.

Imagine you were mugged one night coming home late. Would you ever go near that area again? Probably not. Would you start doing things and carrying things to protect yourself? You bet! For example, how would you react if a stranger approached you to ask you a question on the street? Your answers to these questions all revolve around the same idea - you have changed your outlook on life in order to protect yourself from another incident occurring.

For every action there is a reaction – consciously or otherwise. What all of this boils down to is that actions that affect us on an emotional level cause us to make a shift in our thinking, temporarily or permanently, depending on how emotional the actions are.

Children’s personalities are shaped by emotional events created by their environment, just like ours are. If there are aspects of your children’s personalities that you believe will have a negative impact on their lives in the future you can be certain that they were shaped by some emotional events or traumatic times in their lives.

But what’s vastly more important than where their behaviour came from is what you can do to change it. There is no point in assigning blame; it will do nothing for your children and will only waste your emotional energy. You can’t avoid emotional events in your children’s lives. They are inevitable. But what you can do is ‘debrief’ with them on their day’s events so that you can help them understand things in a more positive way. I call this ‘future preventative maintenance’.

The important thing to note is that everyone can change. I once heard someone say ‘the past is who you were, the present is who you are, and the future will determine who you will be’. What I mean by this is that anyone can change at anytime in their life, your present doesn’t necessarily determine your future. That’s why I don’t believe in the phrase ‘once a bully, always a bully’.

Here is the key to changing a child’s bullying behaviour. Deep inside, bullies feel that interacting with others through bullying is far less painful than interacting with them as themselves. To break it down further, it is far less painful to be known as a bully because the bully can control how others view him/her as opposed to the pain which might be experienced if people don’t like him/her for who he/she really is.

As a parent, guardian or counselor you can use this supposition as leverage to help bullies change their behaviour. They currently link greater pain to being themselves than to being a bully. You can use this knowledge one of two ways. You can help them link greater pain to being a bully than to being themselves. The other option is to get them to equate a larger amount of pleasure or happiness to being themselves than being a bully. This will also build self-esteem like crazy! If the amount of happiness is sufficient it will outweigh the pain factors driving them to bully.

So what can you do to ‘turn up the pain factor’ for bullying? Well, most bullies want attention. That’s why they are willing to put up with the negative feedback. Take away their purpose for acting the way they do and all that will be left is the habitual behaviour.

How can you use the ‘happiness factor’ to change their behaviour? The most effective way to curb bullying is to introduce the bullies to positive peer groups. But here’s the issue – what positive peer group wants to have someone around who is a bully? We end up with the chicken and the egg scenario. So the question becomes how do you change the bullies’ behaviour enough to have a peer group want to have them around? Give them praise when they are genuine and they do something self-less or kind. Note positive changes in their behaviour and reward them for it.

There are many ways to get a bully to stop his/her behaviour and our programs and books have some wonderful solutions. Every solution available works off of the pain/pleasure philosophy in some way. If you keep this philosophy at the forefront of your mind when dealing with the child your results will increase dramatically.

If you have any techniques that you have used to help change bullying behaviour we’d love to hear from you and you may post them on our website to share with others!

Stuart McConnell
2008

Acknowledge and Appreciate Yourself

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:09:16 -0500

With the year coming to a close, it's time to acknowledge and appreciate yourself for everything
you've accomplished today, throughout the year, and in life.

Acknowledge and Appreciate Yourself Checklist. How many times have you succeed in the past month? Are you able to recall your successes as well as your failures and missteps?

Many people under-appreciate the little things they accomplish every day. And yet they can recall in detail all the times they have failed or made mistakes. That's because the brain remembers events more easily when the are accompanied by strong emotions.

You might recall graduation, losing 10 pounds, winning an award, or landing a highly sought after position. But do you include in your successes how you had a really great talk with your spouse, how you spent quality time with your teen, how you got all your list of things done for the day, how you learned to change your own oil, or got your fussy child to take a nap?

If you don't acknowledge your successes the same way you acknowledge your mistakes, you're sure to have a memory full of blunders.

Acknowledge your own success. Toot your own horn and don't wait for anyone else to praise you!

If you only remember the mistakes and failures, you won't be as ready to take risks that will lead to your successes. Build yourself-esteem by recalling ALL the ways you have succeeded and your brain will be filled with images of you making you achievements happen again and again.

Take time to write your achievements down. Start when you were very young and think of all your achievements since then. Don't just pick the big things, write down all the things you take for granted. You can also create a log of success everyday and review it when you are faced with a new challenge. By writing it all down everyday, you're securing it in your long-term memory and it will become a part of what makes you tick.

Surround yourself with reminders of your success.

Put up pictures, articles, trophies, awards and other pieces that ring your attention to you success. Make your environment speak to you about your achievements. Be proud of them!

People like to be around those who have a healthy self-esteem and who are achieving their Goals. Commit to acknowledging your achievements and you brain will begin to tell you the truth... that you can do ANYTHING!

Taking just 30 minutes to complete this activity will become your positive springboard into 2009 for even more successes.

© 2008 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com

Will Holiday Habits Set You Back for 2009?

Sat, 6 Dec 2008 12:08:14 -0500

You are an accumulation of your habits. From how you get out of bed, how you shower, how you
dress, how you shop for food and eat meals, how you exercise, how you walk, sit, and talk, how you
respond to the world, how you act in front of others, and how you think; you are living out your habits.

Habits are necessary. Because they typically come naturally and automatically ("through habit"), they free up your mind so you can concentrate on how to survive day to day. You don't have to think about how to drive your car so you can be on the lookout for danger while you are driving. You don't have to think about how to walk so you can concentrate on where you're going.

Unfortunately, habits can also keep you locked in self-destructive patterns, which will limit your success.

This is especially true during stressful periods, like holidays. And compounding the holiday season this year is the current economic downturn we're all experiencing.

It's probably going to last longer than a season, infringing upon people's aspirations and optimism for 2009. People are facing job loss, foreclosures, higher bills, lower incomes...and yet those holiday expectations loom large. This is when it's far too easy to let bad habits take over and multiply with every holiday symbol that you see.

What's the secret to surviving this holiday season, bring in the new year feeling fantastic--physically and emotionally--and have more confidence in the future?

You will need to drop those bad habits and develop new ones that are in line with the life you want to live. This will help you to get through the holidays cheerfully and embrace 2009 with high hopes. People don't suddenly appear in the life they want to live, habits determine their outcome!

So ask yourself, what are the habits you have that are keeping you from achieving your goals? Which ones seem to become magnified during the end of the year, setting you up for feeling behind and lousy come January 1st?

Really be honest with yourself. Are you always running late? Do you make promises you can't keep? Do you get enough sleep? Do you make excuses for not eating well and scheduling exercise? Do you plan out your day?

Imagine what your life would be like if all those habits were their productive counterparts.

What would your life be like if you ate healthy meals, exercised and got enough sleep? What if you saved money, stopped using credit cards and paid cash for everything? What if you stopped procrastinating, overcame your fears, and began networking with people in your field? Would your life be different? I bet it would!

So, my suggested action step for you is to write down some productive habits you could adopt and visualize in your life. Step two is to "act as if" you were living these new habits right now!

I know, you thought you wouldn't have to do this until New Year's, but I'd like to help you get moving toward creating more successful habits today, so you're already in motion when 2009 lands.

I'd recommend you plan on developing four of your new success habits each year, one for each quarter. That means right this instant you can map out which four you intend to adopt in 2009, and then create a method that will support your new habits.

Here are some ideas: You could write it down on a card that you keep with you and read several times a day. You could make it a part of your daily visualization. You could also enlist the help of an accountability partner who has habits to change.

It's important to make a 100% commitment to each of your new habits, so be specific about the steps that you're willing to take in order to drop an old habit and adopt a new one.

Don't be vague about how you will change your habits. Spell it out for yourself so you can recognize situations that motivate you to act out your new habit.

Just developing four new habits a year will dramatically shift your life to be more in line with your vision. And the more in line it becomes, the easier the other habits are to replace because your perspective is shifting and you can see more clearly how your old habits aren't serving you anymore.

Don't let the economic forecast for the next several months impede your movement forward. Get ready for 2009 today. Focus on habits that will launch you forward, not back.

Make the decision. Make the commitment. Then watch your new, positive life unfold!

© 2008 Jack Canfield
Jack Canfield, America's #1 Success Coach, is the founder and co-creator of the billion-dollar book brand Chicken Soup for the Soul and a leading authority on Peak Performance and Life Success. If you're ready to jump-start your life, make more money, and have more fun and joy in all that you do, get your FREE success tips from Jack Canfield now at: www.FreeSuccessStrategies.com